After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
