i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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