Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
