You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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