i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
