It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hippo gnu deer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
