why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
