I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
