Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
