the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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