this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
