so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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