My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
