oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
