She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You are the jesus of drinking
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
