you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
