Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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