if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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