I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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