dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
