So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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