when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my shit smells like andre
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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