i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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