U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
