i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
