I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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