Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
