Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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