i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
