we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
