member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think your dad took our porno
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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