I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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