Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
