Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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