this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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