Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
