ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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