The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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