whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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