Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
