I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
