So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize