Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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