Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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