just come out here and I will go home with you...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
