So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
