Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
