would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
