I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
