Already got asked if we're dating
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
