Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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