FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
