you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
